Today is Tuesday. Eleven years ago, we were Tuesday, and I remember it. I clearly remember it. And the more I grow up, the more I realize that day has changed my life. "We were soft and young, in a world of innocence" as Era sang. Yeah, we were young, I was precisely eight-less-four-days years old, so happy everytime I thought "four days left!"And proud, proud because I was old enough to wait for my sister, take her hand and to go back home with her, just us, without any adult cause when you're eight-less-four-days,you're responsible. I've opened the door, I've unlocked it with my own key since, when you're eight-less-four-days, you're old enough to have your own key. I've switched on the TV because when you're eight-less-four-days you really enjoy cartoons (yet it didn't changed a lot while I'm nineteen-less-four-days) and I was waiting with my sister , laid on the sofa, for our favourite TV programm. It didn't come. Instead of it, "A toi l'actu@" has begun and I saw something I've never seen. I've seen these planes, these crashes, these tears, this nightmare, and I can clearly remember I've thought "but why did they interrupt their programs for this flash?" Then, my father phoned, he was late but on the point to arrive, I told him "there's something on the TV, two towers have just collapsed. Planes crashed on." I can clearly remember his voice, a blend between fear, astonishment and doubt. I've never heard this voice before, never heard this voice again. And mum came back home. She was astounded, puzzled. Today, I find it so strange because nowadays, they are used to listening to the radio evertime they're driving so they'd know. That evening, we were in front of the TV, well they -my parents -because we were not allowed to watch what was on the screen. Because when you're eight-less-four-days, there are things you should avoid watching, because you're too young to realize how mankind can sometimes be frightening. That day, I had suddenly lost a big part of my innocence. I'd realized I could lose my parents, my sisters,my family at every day, at every moment. Everytime I went to school and the phone rung, I was afraid my sister has died or mom, or dad or...and the twin towers collapsing were in my mind. I became paranoic. When my family was absent, I feared they would die, when they were with me I was afraid our house would burn or a flood would destroy everything we had. Of course, this fear didn't appear immediately after the crash. I needed time to understand what had really happened. It took me a dozen of days, maybe a bit more, maybe a bit less. I didn't dare to talk about it, thinking it would appeal the death. Before that day, I've never heard anything about terrorism, after that day and for a while, I was imagining terrorists everywhere, destroying the small and unpowerful town near my village and attacking Paris, killing everyone using a bomb they would have worn or putting it under a bus. My teacher had told us something about the atomic bomb. Now I'm studying law and considering I went back to school on the Thursday (at that time, when you were eight-less-a-few-days years old, you didn't go to school on wednesday, I don't know if it's still right today...) I think he was talking about the United NationsOrganisation who was trying to figure the USA ripost and maybe he was afraid they'd use the atomic bomb (no, I don't think he thought of it, he was too clever and too aware of the world situation for that, well, no matter.) And I didn't sleep for nights and nights as he told us an atomic attack can destroy the world; so everytime I heard a plane arose, I believed I was hearing a bomb slowly falling on us. It shocked me, it shocked me as it shocked the world. I was a child, a young child lost in an adult mist. Later, I finally understood how tough this horrible day must have been for those who have really lost someone in these crashes, for those who have accepted a call from a friend, a relative, a call from someone supposed to be in a plane and who have heard these persons telling them they loved them, telling them they gonna die. And I can't imagin how painful it must be to tell your child with a look full of tears, "honey, dad, (or mum), will never be back." Can you imagine? It's a Tuesday like another and your husband is suddenly awaken by his bipper, you take a look through your window and you realize the place where your friends or neighbours were used to go to work isn't there anymore? Can you imagine how painful it should be to see your husband disappearing in the smoke in his firefighter suit and never coming back? They've built the "Ground zero", a memorial but what is a name on a stone compared to a life someone has stolen you? And as I had read on a picture, a picture where a young boy is holding his dad's hand contemplating that stone :"That's a big hole but not as big as the one in my heart".
Today is Tuesday. Eleven years ago, we were Tuesday.
Tuesday,the eleventh of September two thousand and one.