Your dark intentions your feeling for me
Fallen Angel, tell me why
What is the reason, the thorn in your eye?"
Angels by Within Temptation (l)
I don't know why I'm writing this because you will not read it. But if, by chance, you'd come here, you must know and writing in English is easier for me...
You were an important person to me. You are only two years younger than me, and you were like my bestfriend. We often argued, but it wasn't important as we liked each other. Now it's no more true. Since the last weekend. We were all at grandma's house. I wasn't very happy since I didn't go to Cecile's party , I wasn't happy but it was not a reason!
We all played together (it was an event!). It was a game, we played "hide and seek" and we hid, you and me, under covers of grandmother's bed. You stuck against me and I disliked it but to my mind, you only wanted to hid yourself. In fact, it wasn't nothing. I'd like to never remember what had happened this day. There is just a problem: I can't. I don't sleep well at night because I always do nightmares. I have some pictures stuck in my head. There are awful... you were my cousin and we were "cousins by chance and friends by choice", how ridiculous it seems now.
I read your comment and your messenger sentence. I'm sorry but I can't forget for the moment. It's too recent. I must accept the idea. Accept that nothing will be like in the past. I lost one of my bestfriend, and the way I lost him is horrific, do you know what I feel? My sister warned me but I think that it wasn't important. I did the biggest mistake of the year, of my life maybe. I feel guilty when I read you but when I remember last sunday, I hate you.
Yes I laughed, but not because it was funny, only because I was shocked. It's difficult to explain why I laughed whereas I was terrified, but it's like that.
Let me cry, let me scream, let me try to forget and perhaps, only perhaps, I would forgive you, but I can't make any promise...